Crowley as a priest? Weird
by madelinesticks
Summary: Crowley dressed as a priest attracts horny!Balthazar. Sam is amused. Dean and Cas head to bed toward the end.


Dean stared at Crowley with an open mouth. He had gotten spectacles from somewhere, thin with a golden frame. They perched on his nose as he paged through the Bible in his hands, making him look studious and devout.

His robes were long and flowing, the dog collar tight at his neck. He never thought the demon would be able to carry the persona of a priest with such ease, even wearing the familiar vessel he always did.

That changed rapidly. Balthazar, upon seeing the demon, plastered himself to Crowley's side, adjusting his collar as he murmured "Bless me, father, for I will _sin_." Crowley chuckled, letting the angel pull him into a kiss.

"This is blasphemy of the highest order." Castiel's voice was deep and disapproving.

"Cas, dude, we need someone to pose as Father Jonathan. Crowley is here, and willing to fill the part."

"Not as eager about part filling as I am." Balthazar murmured, eyes raking over Crowley's form.

"Balthazar, you can't say stuff like that in church. Don't talk like that in general." Sam chided, pointedly looking away as Balthazar rubbed Crowley's arms.

"What else are confessionals for?" Balthazar returned, waving off the hunter's concerns.

"Calm down, love."Crowley murmured, looking at Balthazar sternly over the glasses. Balthazar coloured.

"And the specs too! How do you expect me to _survive_?" Balthazar lamented, turning away from the demon with a wide smile.

"I don't. This is my creative way of driving you to madness, kitten." Balthazar let out a wail, closing his eyes. Castiel crossed his arms, glaring at the pair.

"That word coming from those lips, in that outfit! Oh, positively _sinful_." Balthazar purred out as Sam tried to hide his smile at Castiel's increasingly annoyed glare. The angel was sat in the motel room's arm chair. Dean stood behind him and pulled lightly at the collar of his trench coat, bringing him back to meet Dean's eyes.

"Cas, seriously. Calm down, they're half doing to it to annoy you." The angel's expression didn't brighten, he simply frowned further. Balthazar leaned and started murmuring into the demon's ear. Castiel's cheeks went bright red, judging by his scandalised look, his angel sense upped his vessel's hearing ability.

Dean couldn't hear what the other angel was saying, but Castiel looked incredibly uncomfortable. Balthazar's smirk was seductive, and Crowley was smiling happily.

Sam cuffed Balthazar over the back of the head when he started trailing kisses down from Crowley's ear to his neck.

"He's supposed to be a priest, Balthazar. You can't start giving him visible hickies!" He scolded, but smiled with amusement. Sam was always amused by their antics. Dean mouthed _Traitor_ at his brother, making the taller man laugh. Crowley leaned backward.

"He didn't say I couldn't bite you." The angel yelped when Crowley delivered a sharp nip to his jaw line without warning.

"You're acting like horny teenagers!" Dean admonished with a scowl. He rested his hand on Castiel's shoulder, surprised when the angel subtly leaned back into the touch. "You'd think you bastards would have more self control! God!" The last word made Balthazar roll his eyes and say "Leave my Father out of this." Castiel grasped Dean's forearm, pulling him down quickly so Dean's cheek was close enough to graze the seraph's stubble.

"Dean." His voice was low and almost angry. "Do I use the name John to express annoyance or infuriation?"

"I- what?" Dean tried to shift his position, but the angel's tight grip on his hand kept him in place. Dean struggled not to gasp, Castiel's cheek hot against his own. His heart was thumping quickly in his chest.

"Do not blaspheme. My father's name is not an obscenity to be uttered without meaning or context." The quiet order made Dean have to work to contain a shudder. Castiel hardly ever spoke to Dean like that, and never in front of other people.

Castiel abruptly let go of his wrist, letting Dean withdraw. Dean shot backward, relieved to see that Sam was arguing with Balthazar and Crowley again, basically telling the angel not to enter the church. They hadn't noticed.

The job had gone well enough - one of the priests had gone rogue and started using crazy-ass magic to sway people to the church. Well, so they'd originally thought.

The priest, Father Leon, had turned out to be a satyr, using the priestly robes to trick people into various agreements. Regardless, it had been a simple enough kill, so while Crowley disposed of the body, Dean had forged a note saying the priest had run off with his lover, Julio.

Sam had made him write it - Dean had always been better at mimicking signatures and handwriting. Sam had dictated it with ease, so Dean had cracked various jokes about his sexuality.

When they got back to the hotel, Balthazar had near jumped Crowley, dragging the demon toward a motel room. The demon had gone with a cheery wave toward Sam and Dean.

Dean still wasn't entirely sure why Crowley was helping them, or why they were letting him help them. Sam had explained it as Balthazar wanting to help his brother, and Crowley wanting to help Balthazar. Or something.

Crowley had basically set new rules for Hell - demons continue to make deals, but they didn't go topside without an assignment or purpose. Torturing random humans wasn't productive in Crowley's opinion. It was better to "warn and preach rather than desensitise them".

Dean had sunk onto the motel room bed with a contented sigh, grateful for the 4 rooms between them and the angel/demon couple. Sam said something about "library" and "few hours." Dean nodded, letting his brother go.

"Hello, Dean." Despite the fact that Castiel did this all the time, Dean was still startled.

"Cas, don't do that!" The angel regarded him for a moment.

"I will do as I see fit, Dean. Come here."

"What the hell, man?" Castiel raised an eyebrow, standing straight.

"Come here." He repeated clearly. Dean got up, looking at the angel in exasperation and stood in front of him, crossing his arms. "Don't slouch." Dean straightened automatically, putting his hands at his sides. The hunter watched Castiel's face carefully, trying to figure out what he wanted. "Do you trust me, Dean?"

"Yes, of course I do, Cas." He said immediately. "Are you oka-"

"Hush."Dean closed his mouth, looking at Cas with wide eyes. "Yes, I thought so. Initially, I thought you were just doing what you normally do, but no, you obey me, not without question but you do obey me." Suddenly Castiel stepped forward, crowding Dean against the wall he hadn't known was so close. "Why is that, Dean?"

The hunter stopped himself from gasping, trying to breathe normally. "I-uh-I just-"

"Are you attracted to me, Dean?" Castiel asked, gazing at the other's face intently. Dean was looking straight into the angel's painfully blue eyes, and now he had to lie to an angel.

"N-No, yo-" Castiel slapped him. The noise it made reverberated around the room as Dean put his hand to his cheek in shock, debating sending a punch back.

"Do not lie to me, Dean." Castiel reached for the lapel of Dean's jacket and pulled him closer. "I can tell when you are lying and when you are telling the truth. What would you have me do to you, Dean? Do you wish to be dominated? Do you hold a fascination with power?"

Dean flushed. Castiel's voice was gravelly, and hearing it so close did incredible things to him.

"I don't know, I guess-umm…" Dean wasn't sure what to say. He bit his lip, unsure. Castiel leaned forward, pressing his mouth to Dean's. For a few seconds, the hunter thought it was going to stay that way, chaste and sweet.

The angel pulled Dean closer, running his tongue over Dean's lower lip. The human opened his mouth slightly, letting Castiel in. The angel was surprisingly good, his tongue fighting Dean's for a moment.

Castiel used his knee to herd Dean away from the wall. "On the bed. Lie on your back, legs spread." When Dean didn't move, Castiel pushed him, and the hunter fell back when he felt his calves hit the mattress.

"Cas, what're you do-"

"I believe you have engaged in coitus frequently enough to understand what this is, Dean. Lay back, and spread your legs." Dean felt another shiver run up his spine as he met the other's eyes. A moment's pause, and he sat back, still staring up at Castiel.

The angel gave a rare smile, and Dean felt his heart skip a beat.

This was going to be freaking awesome.


End file.
